I'm testing to see if this still works. I haven't texted it in over two years!

1. You see your parents no more than three hours a day... and you're ok with that
2. You hang out in the area of the school that most other cliques avoid like the plague
3. You memorize song lyrics and lines from a play quicker than your biology notes
4. You know the difference between upstage and downstage... and which is where
5. You save the programs from every show you attend... ever
6. You know what SR, SL, DR, DL, UR, and UL mean
7. You're afraid to fall off a platform six feet high, but walking on catwalks 25 feet high is the coolest thing ever
8. You'll highlight your lines long before you'll highlight your notes on Government
9. You'll stay at school until midnight practicing, complain about being tired the next day, and do it all over again that night
10. Memorizing lines is more important than math homework
11. Your life feels incomplete if you're not doing a show at the time
12. Half of your school schedule is performing arts classes
13. You long for a strong drink after each hell week rehearsal
14. Being a struggling performer going from audition to audition seems appealing
15. You are afraid when any non-performing art people enter YOUR theater for something non performing related
16. Only YOU can have food or drink in the auditorium
17. It's you who laughs the hardest at any outside stage show you go see
18. You contort your face into the most disturbing shapes as a "warm up"
19. You'll design a set to scale before you even touch a geometry graph
20. Local fast food establishments get most of their income from when you are on dinner breaks
21. Instead of writing down the notes the director gives you, you draw pretty pictures
22. You get excited whenever you stumble across a script of a play you have previously performed in
23. Hugs are more of a greeting than handshakes or waves.
24. You know everybody else in the club knows your business better than you do and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it
25. You come up with a list of "You Know you're a Performing Arts Kid When"s instead of paying attention in science class
26. You sing showtunes for hours and never run out of musicals.
27. Your wardrobe consists solely of old show t-shirts, musicals, and "I know where the Secret room is!" ones
28. (If you are a girl) You have been felt up by every girl in the club, and have grabbed them inappropriately as well
29. People's reactions to your friends are "Are they drunk?"
30. You see a trapeze hanging from the catwalks and your response is "Pppfffhhh... No Problem."
31. You all have inside jokes related to one or more STDs
32. YOUR hallways is often referred to as a clogged artery
33. You know your theater better than the teachers do *cough* secret room *cough*
34. You can recite the opening roadway cast of Wicked, in order... as well as the current touring cast
35. You know that Stephen Sondheim did not do "42nd Street"
36. You know more songs in Foreign Languages than in English--but you have no idea what they mean.
37. You understand that rehearsal--especially for "energetic" musicals involving dancing-- is equally if not more exhausting than running the mile in PE.
38. You know that PE stands for Public Embarrassment.
39. You clean up more makeup and clothes off the floor/counters than you ever would at home.
40. When you know the difference between drama on stage, drama off of the stage, and drama in the halls, and are involved in each of them.
41. You complain about the tech head and how stressed s/he is, but then talk about how you want to be tech head for the next show.
42. You complain about being at school til midnight, and even later during hell week, but when it's over you complain about not having anything to do.
43. You dont care when your walking down the hallway and the dressing room is flung open with half naked people inside.
44. You know if you touch the sike (sych? syke? psych?), you die.
45. You and any other cast member start belting songs from the musical while walking to your next class.
46. It's a common known fact that women change in the men's dressing room because it is less crowded, and they too need a break from the mass chaos of estrogen as well.
47. You have a restaurant that you and the cast go to the night before the last night of the show... and you battle other schools for tables when you get there.
48. Dance moves taught to you in the new musical remind you of last year's moves... so you do those dances all over again as well.
49. The "No Understudy Box" causes you quite a dilemma.
50. A sleep over on the dirty stage in your sleeping bags sleeping under the catwalks would be the most entertaining night of your life.

SECRET: I wish you acted how ppl think you want to act. I wish we'd leave CH. But, I can only wish. PS. I miss my internet like...woah, crazy.

I want to be someone important. I want to have a whole entourage of ppl that care about what I have to say. That read everything I write, or hear what I say...

I'm begining to think that mentally, I live in a different world than I live in physically. And, that makes me think the worst in ppl. And makes me jealous.

Secret: No, I'm really not okay with it, but I let you do it because I don't want to say no to you. :(

Yet again. I've fucked up. I've interfered. & you can't see why I blame myself? Why wouldn't I? Look at the mistakes I make & the shit I cause.

"I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head;
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed,
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone,
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home.
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain;
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space."


That pretty much sums up how I feel.
Ass.

Edit: This is referring to JB.
I told him to stay out of my life, yet, I can't stop thinking of him.

I had multiple dreams last night.
--In one, I was talking to Carey after the drama performance and we couldn't find Hilary or Claire.
--In the second one, Someone stole my books from out of my house. I was freaking out. :[

I had like 3 or 4 more, but I can't remember them all.

So yeah,
Yesterday was opening night of the One Act Festival directed by student directors. I remembered all my lines, but then again, Carey, our director, complimented me on being the first one to know all of them anyway. :] Our play went along flawlessly. I was so happy. I guess the old statement holds true, bad dress rehearsal, good show. Our play was about Mistress Shakespear's reaction to finding out that she has only received the "Second Best Bed", hence the name of the play. In the play, the town gossips: Marchette (Hilary), Virginia (Mallory), Nell (Charli), and Prudence (myself), find out that Anne Hathaway (Lorraine) was only left the SECOND BEST BED in the will by her husband, William Shakespeare. The Gossips pry into Anne's life until we "force" her daughters, Judith (Lacy) and Susanna (Natalie), to tell Anne the news, so that the gossips can gawk at her reaction. The play also features a sassy, sarcastic maidservant named Dorothy (Jay aka Jordyn). It also has a surprise ending to the play. :]

The other plays that are featured in the One Act Festival include:
-- This Is A Test (Directed by Todd)
-- When Shakespeare's Ladies Meet (Directed by Andrew)
-- Stolen Identity (Directed by Lorraine}

It's a good show, so if you missed it this Friday, you can still come to the showings next weekend, Friday and Saturday.

xo;
ash.

I'm really at the point where I no longer wish to be around hardly anyone. There are some exceptions, of course, but for the most part, people now just piss me off. I don't see the point in socializing. I used to love being around others, so I could meet as many people as possible, and get to know them. It used to thrill me to find out how individuals thought. Now, I don't care. I don't want to be around them. I've lost all the fire that made me love simple things. I hope to find it again soon.

I've grown tired of living. This isn't a letter of resignation addressed to God, or a suicide note of any sort. I'm just being honest. Everyday tasks serve as bitter reminders of not so glorious things in life.

I hope this feeling passes soon.

Tata and Farewell, my love.
Until we meet again.

I am so tired right now.
I haven't the slightest idea why I'm forcing myself to stay awake.

Basically, I have to get my shit together so I can be ready to move into an apartment at age 17. I need a job ASAP.

I'll explain at a later date.

Secondly, I walked out of one bad situation, and right into another.

Thirdly, I owe my best friend a huge apology.
I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. :/

I have to got to sleep.

Tata & Farewell, my love.
Until we meet again.

Oh my, God. Our reheasal is so bad right now. We suck. Everyone is way too hyper and unfocused. It's still funny though. Oh well, Carey needs us. G2G.

I'm not in a good mood.
I really need to meet someone; but I don't want to.

On August 13th, 2007, my best guy friend's house burnt down. He called me completely frantic @ 6:30p.m. and I had the hardest time believing him, despite hearing the sirens in the background. I didn't want to accept something so horrid could happen to someone that I care so much about. He was undeserving. But, that my friend, was just the beginning. He came over later that night and I stayed up all night talking to him because he couldn't sleep and even missed work so I could stay there with him. I was worried sick. I just wished there was something I could've done to make it better.

The next morning, August 14th...My sister walked in the door crying her eyes out. My friend and I turned around and immediately on impulse I exclaimed "What the fuck did he do to you?!" My brother-in-law is a complete asshole. He's one of the few people I truly hate. My sister and her two kids had moved in with us about a week before so she could safely divorce him. He's on the sex offender registry...Which is more of a reason to despise his existence. The kids were staying the night at his trailer and my sister went there at 5:30 in the morning to pick them up. Upon her arrival, he dragged her into the empty trailer next door and told her that he WILL have sex with her one last time whether she liked it or not...and he tried to rape her. This was the second time that week he had attempted rape. She got to my house and called the cops. After all the reports were filled, there is now a restraining order to keep him away from my sister, their kids, my mom, and myself, and he is in jail where he belongs.

Along with those happenings, one of what used to be my closest friends...hasn't came around me in over 2 weeks and talks to me on a minimal basis. I'm worried about him.

Also, one of my other closest friends is now going out with someone I really dislike, and don't trust. I swear this is karma biting me in the ass.

Lately, I just feel like I'm taking on more than I can handle. I feel like Atlas. The world around me is getting bigger and weighing me down...and all the while, I'm baring it...Trying to hold it up...but starting to fail miserably.

I hate failure.


xo;
--Ashley

You have a certain vision of how your life should look -- but are you cutting off some possibilities by being so rigid? Your plans might need some modification, but they can come to fruition with a little effort.

You didn't feel very good lately but its about to change. Your energies revive and new people will appear in your life.

I normally follow my horoscope completely unintentionally.
So, that being how it is, I decided to post them.

Today was a rough day.

I had a weird dream last night in which I pretty much owned my own house even though I was still young. I was older the dream but not by much. I was still in school and I was working my ass off to pay for everything. My boyfriend [in the dream, meaning, I don't have a boyfriend in real life. lol] was living with me and working. Any who, I some how got involved in some kind of legal type trouble and was freaking out about it. I don't know if it was actually me, or someone I know that I know that was in trouble. But yeah, I ended up going to visit my mom and dad [he was alive in the dream] and they gave me some money and advice, telling me to "get the hell out of dodge." They knew I was innocent, just in a bit of a predicament.

I'm wondering if that dream means that no matter what I'll be able to depend on the people who care most for me. [Symbolically Mom, Dad, & boyfriend] Haha. Or if it possibly means the complete other route, and I'll be in legal trouble of some sort soon.

But in other news, today was/is Father's Day. It's the first Father's Day I've ever experienced without my dad. He's been in my thoughts all day.

All day...while working at KFC. ew. haha.

People were straight up BITCHY today at work. No lie.

Like I got cussed out by various old people and the employees got in a couple of arguments one of which was inadvertently caused by me.

I felt horrible about it and with the stress of other things that had been on my mind that day, I got pissed.

I felt like the world just all of a sudden, out of no where, decided to team up on me. I got so pissed off I started crying and then my body started shaking. My arms turned blood red and I felt like I was going to explode. I went into the back room and pretty much started crying my eyes out. So much stress that I didn't even know had been bothering me just kind of vented all at once. Within 5 minutes of me crying, I got comforted by 6+ people, got offered a cigarette, and got offered a blunt.

Sorry...but none of which was going to make me feel better.

Moving onto a happier thought, I want to put purple dye into my hair in highlights. I really like how it looks, but I'd like to wait till I can get permanent purple instead of maniac panic which isn't good to use.

And furthermore, I'm getting really impatient about my piercings. I want more and working at KFC and seeing them all the time only annoys me more that I can't get any [in my ear] until it's fully healed. lame.

I'm starting to think about how long I'll be friends with certain people. The thought of losing them is almost unbearable. I don't want that to happen. But, life doesn't always go as planned, huh? I need to stop thinking like that. I'm wondering if I should confront them about it and just straight up tell them what's been on my mind but I don't want that, "wtf? random." reaction. Oh well...I guess I'll just wait it out and see.




xo,
Ashley

Pre-Warning: This is going to be a lot of mindless rambling due to the fact that I need to get my stuff mentally arranged, mmkay? mmkay. :] Oh yeah...and by the way, every time I double space, it will be starting a new topic. Yes...I'm weird.

So...

I'm really annoyed at how some aspects in life and dealing with people work out. I don't like how two people can have a connection so close that it feels as if they have known each other forever then the next week they barely talk. It's almost as if how close you are to a person fluctuates on a daily basis. I'd rather be close...But I don't know their opinion on the subject. Of course I'm referring to one person in particular that I'd like to be closer to...but nooooooo life hates me. >_<

I think I'm boring. End of story. I don't see how I'm entertaining at all. And I don't like that. This shy & quiet nature shit is getting to me.

I have a job. I got recruited [by my aunt AKA the manager] to work at KFC. Ironically, I rarely eat anything from there and looking at chicken corpses all day makes me not want food in general. And working at fast food, makes you not trust what goes on at fast food, if you catch my drift. Oh and...KFC's phone lines are tapped by the five ohhh. Yup. True story.

I had a dream of what I'm going to look like when I'm about 20. I had the dream about a month ago but lately I can't get it out of my thoughts. I think it means I need to start doing more things to move towards being the person that I want to be. I don't know yet...but now's as good of a time as any to start I suppose.

I'm going to volunteer at Southside Regional Medical Hospital this summer. I have to go get a drug test tomorrow because of it. Hahaha.

I won't see my mom at all for like the next 24 hours.

I need to save up money for a trip to Greece that I'm determined to go on. And for some reason, I want to pay for it by myself instead of my mom helping. I really don't know why. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. $2216.00 of pure hard-earned-coming-home-smelling-like-chicken cash. Nothing better, ay?

I need to get a long coat. Like a thick overcoat. Don't ask. Possibly boots too. Dammit. I just need clothing in general.

Today's my cousins 13th birthday! Thirteen on the Thirteenth. :]




As opposed to that stuff, I also am out of school now. Woo! I can't believe that I'm almost out of school permanently. I'm approaching Junior year. I'm not ready for this. I don't want to graduate High School yet.

I have major work to do.
Goals.

Betta hop to it.

Ta taaaaaa & Farewell my love,
Until we meet again.

Ashley.

Edit: After posting that I feel more lonely than ever. I don't know why. Gahh. I need a boyfriend. haha.

So many weird things have been happening lately. I wish I could tell someone, just to have someone to talk to about it. But, I can't. There's only one person I could tell and that doesn't count because I can't talk to that individual about it.

Complicated. >_<

I've tried writing in my [real] journal/notebook, but I haven't really had the time. I've been beyond exhausted lately for no reason. At least I've been sleeping, right? I suppose. I suppose.

I missed the Colonial Players meeting today. I left school during the middle of 4th period to go home and sleep, but that didn't really work. I ended up having to go home, then go to my papa's to fill out a bill, then go to Peeble's to get a shirt. Then I got home and fell asleep at 1:23.

Jordan Bousquet and my mom woke me up [both of them were standing in my doorway] at 5:23. Nice timing, ay? :]

Jordan showed me the tie and pocket square that he got for prom to match my dress.







Other than that, it's been a laid back day.
We have the career fair tomorrow. O_O






Annnnnd; I'm going to take behind the wheel at the beginning of next month, I think. :]



That's always a plus.

I really want to sleep. I feel like I need to be in a state of depression. Weird, ay? Yeah...I know. I don't know why yet. It's kind of scary; I don't want to go back to being depressed, but at the same time, it feels like I'm making myself. Maybe it's just me being tired. I dunno.

Maybe something's going to happen soon.
Something big.

...or not. Nice thought though.





Guess we'll find out.

FULL WEEKEND! geezzzzz.

Friday - Josh came over directly after school...We bullshitted until my mom got home so we could give him a ride home. He conveniently "missed" the bus. haha. Mom and I went out looking for a prom dress. Still no luck; starting to seem hopeless. BUT, Jay told me about some dress that he thinks would look really nice on me. Some vintage thing where he works...Definitely worth checking out. Later Sara and Blake came over and we went to Food Lion and then back to my house and threw marshmallows at each other while just laughing at Negro-style pr0n. DON'T ask. It just...happened. haha. Later that night, Blake went home and Sara stayed the night.

Saturday - Woke up supaaaaaah late. [aka 11am for me. ;) ] Sara went home around 3 in the afternoon. My mom and I went to my aunt's house and checked out the whole wine and jello-shooters scene. yeahhhh buddy. Jimmy called a couple of times talking about Cerb. I'm really starting to miss her more. :[ Then my mom and I went to some smelly old guy's house to look at rabbits. Yeah...odd. After that I went to the School at 5-6something and Stayed til 12something that night. Doing workcall. Painting and other shizz. I was exhausted when I arrived home; but couldn't sleep. Stayed up til 3:30 am then went to sleep...Woke up at 7:30 am Sunday morning.

Sunday - 4 hours of sleep and feeling great. Got up, got dressed & showered...not in that order...Then tracked down drunk aunt that NO ONE in the family knew where she'd gone. THAT isn't any fun at all. Went to CVS to get medicine for asthma [yay geek.] Then headed home for a quick second so mom could get cheese crackers that she had packed for her fishing trip today... ...um.... yeah. Went to Jordan's house [Its his birthday today]...Did random shit all day. Hung out with his family; Aaron; Jay; etc until about 9 that night.

It's 11:33 at night now...I still have a shit load of homework that remains undone. And I need to take a shower. Yet I'm exhausted.

I'm going to bring Fortune Cookies to school tomorrow for Jimmy to give to Cerb. :]

That is...If Jimmy doesn't eat them. >_>

Stolen from Jamie. :]

...actually, it's right.

Don't you just love it when people claim what field of study they would like to go into during college and later on make a career out of, and they completely misspell it? I don't mean one or two letters off, I mean, they had no idea how to spell it in the first place? Example Marine bioligest.

...It's "biologist", hun.

ANY WHO...lol. Um. Yesterday night sucked ass, but I learned a lot about myself. & it's finally clear to me what I need to do now. I just have to figure out how.

Curious.

ta taaa
xo. :]